Dear Mili

Last night you woke up about 70 billion times due to a combination of bionic hearing (e.g. "Did you just roll over Mommy?  Did you sigh Mommy?  Was that a pin dropping somewhere downstairs Mommy???) and an inability to hold onto your bink.  Finally around 4:30 I gave up the good fight, the replace the binky fight, and decided to feed us both.  I found it particularly frustrating because lately you've actually been sleeping quite well.  And while I was convincing myself that I was just too darn tired to have an emotional breakdown about it and should just get on with feeding you, I got to thinking about how much you've already changed.

In the hospital they made tiny prints of your feet in your baby book, but not your hands.  I kept telling myself that I would get around to that eventually but practical considerations got in the way.  Things like "What kind of ink is safe for baby?" or "But she sticks her hands in her mouth.  What if she has ink on those hands?"  Now I wish I'd thrown caution to the wind and inked you up.  I mean, realistically, you're going to probably try to eat a bug one day or Cassie dog's food or your own stinky feet.  I can still get those hand prints, but I guess it just won't be the same.  And also, your hands will look disproportionately long compared to your feet.

I've also recently fallen victim to over sentimentalizing your newborn baby clothes.  Something I found baffling before you started to really out grow them.  My mantra was, we don't have room.  We'll need space for new things.  Bring one in, take on out.  Out with the old, in with the new.  But it turns out that's much harder to do than you would think once you realize that your baby will never, ever be that small again. 

Some days with a crying baby go by agonizingly slow, but somehow this first summer has gone by incredibly quickly.  Mili, someday, when you're grown up, if you choose to have a baby, people will never stop telling you to "enjoy ___________(whatever baby thing is currently tiring/vexing/baffling you), because it all goes by so fast."  And if you're anything like me, this will probably annoy the bejeezers out of you.  But the truth is, when it's not going by agonizingly slowly, it is flying by.  In fact, when it seems to be going by slowly, it's still flying by.   

So yes, Mili, that was Mommy sighing that woke you up.  But don't worry.  It's not such a bad thing. 


It's only because I love you so much. 



-SJ  
aka "Mom"